My days...

Party like it's 2012

2012-01-01T19:26:00.003-06:00

New Years Resolution...
-To loose the 20 pounds that I have gained this year. Nothing like looking at some New Years Eve pictures to jolt oneself back into a diet.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

A few of my favorites this month..

2011-12-26T21:05:00.013-06:00

I have a small TV in the kitchen that my girls always choose to watch. They drag chairs in or just hop onto the counter for their viewing pleasure.

Savannah has been teetering this year about the realness of Santa. While at Feeny's Savannah said I would like to see Santa. She asked Kiera and Jake and out of desperation Amelia to walk up with her. All three said no. Savannah became very flustered. Then all of a sudden Santa stands up and makes his way over to us. He spoke with her and then went back to his line of kids. Savannah turned to me and said,I think that is the real Santa mom. A small moment in time I hope she always remembers.

I was SOooo thirsty. Savannah says,hey I saw a soda machine! I put my quarters in for a bottle of water,and it was...empty. I was SOooo damn thirsty.

This girl turned 8 on the 2oth. We've been on a roller coater ride since March and we won't be getting off anytime soon. Special needs is hard and frustrating and time consuming and all things difficult.

My babies turned six this month. I remember when I had four kids,three and under. I also remember when Kiera could barely suck a bottle. Now the kid packs it in and is never,ever full. This girl is always hungry.

Santa! Santa! He never forgets the Metzger kids.

On the 23rd everyone went to bed at a decent time so I put on a Christmas movie and had planned to get some much needed wrapping done. At 12am Kiera woke up screaming that her stomach hurt. After curing under my breath I went up and brought her down with me. She ended up with the stomach virus and we were up til the wee hours of the morning. By Christmas morning my eyes were burning I was so tired.

My dad was unable to come in for Christmas this year and A.J. and I both felt an emptiness that stayed with us throughout the day.

My kids have been begging and begging to eat Chinese food for dinner just once on Christmas day. The restaurant was packed with a line out the door. After dinner we drove around looking at Christmas lights. A.J. joked and said we went house hunting. No,not just yet.

Next up,2012! Cannot wait!!!

My heart..

2011-12-02T13:46:00.006-06:00

Some days,like today,I want to pack my bags and run. Run away forever. And then just when I've had enough... I read something like this.

Autism Night Before Christmas by Cindy Waeltermann

Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
But the holiday jitters
They always distract

The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When nightmares of terror
Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift
The right color
And style
Would there be a tantrum
Or even, maybe, a smile?

Our relatives come
But they don’t understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from flapping his hands.

“He needs discipline,” they say
"Just a well-needed smack,
You must learn to parent…”
And on goes the attack

We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The argument is moot
Let them all take a side

We know what it’s like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles and triumphs
Achievements, regressions…

But what they don’t know
And what they don’t see
Is the joy that we feel
Over simplicity

He said “hello”
He ate something green!
He told his first lie!
He did not cause a scene!

He peed on the potty
Who cares if he’s ten,
He stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!

Others don’t realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope

But what they don’t see
Is the joy we can’t hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With jealousy, hatred
Or even distaste,

But what they don’t know
Nor sometimes do we
Is that children with autism
Bring simplicity.

We don’t get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings

Children with autism
Try hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.

They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don’t get it
Or can’t get a clue
Take a walk in my shoes
And I’ll assure you

That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You’ll look at me
With respect, even shock.

You will realize
What it is I go through
And the next time you judge
I can assure you
That you won’t say a thing
You’ll be quiet and learn,
Like the years that I did
When the tables were turned……

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-30T19:25:00.000-06:00

It's fast approaching

2011-11-25T19:14:00.002-06:00

Thanksgiving was delicious.

We greeted santa the very next day. It's tradition. Next up... Amelia starts at her new school. I have 3 birthday's to celebrate in December. Put up a tree and the kids really want to drive through the light show.

I'm not ready for Christmas but my kids are so I've got nothing else to say but, BRING IT. I've been really enjoying the Christmas music that started playing before Thanksgiving. Eventually I have to be ready,right?

Tomorrow is a new day?

2011-11-08T07:19:00.014-06:00

Halloween,2011. My favorite costumes to date and first Halloween picture that I have ever taken with snow in the background. The year is coming to an end but we still have many first that seem to be coming one after another.

Oh these two.. are the reason I wanted more kids.

A tiny portion of the hood.

Last June I was sitting on the couch waiting for A.J. to come home with dinner when the phone rang. It was the principal and she called to tell me Amelia could not return back to school without a note from her Psychiatrist. Amelia had another incident in school that day and the blame was placed solely on her,a child with Autism. I ran upstairs,locked myself in my bedroom and cried harder than I ever have in my life. I was sad and angry. Later that night with puffy eyes and blurred vision I walked my kids down to my neighbors house for..some fun. I talked and laughed and almost no one there knew anything was wrong. And if they did,no one asked. As I sat there I started to really pay attention to kids running around. The laughing I was hearing prompted me to stand up and really take a look at what they were doing. That's when it hit me. No matter how sad I was or how hard the day was,it's always okay at the end of the day. Amelia had a blast that night. My neighborhood is accepting and it's a place where Amelia is welcome to be herself. It's a place where she can ride her bike,explore her surroundings and tell a joke that doesn't make sense and laugh hysterically afterwards and nobody expects any more or less from her.

(oh how i love jake in this picture. he is filled to the brim with curiosity)

Yes,Amelia is a handful. She makes easy situations very hard and hard situations are sometimes a breeze. Like crossing an adorable little bridge. No she said,I'm gonna fall in!

So as parents we held her hand and walked her over this small hurdle. Or in A.J.'s case,he picked her up and ran her across.

Amelia will be starting at a new school very soon. As in,maybe this week but most likely next week. A smaller classroom with teachers that can kick her behaviors in the ass and teach the girl to read. I have no hopes for the fear of being let down.

I try so hard to separate the Autism from our everyday lives. I have been blessed with three other very amazing children that are just as deserving of my attention and praises. It's an everyday battle to say the least.

Every week I give an update to Amelia's TSS about what we did that past weekend and what her strengths and weaknesses were. She was shocked that we rode a train with all the kids and went to New York. Why I asked? I have been doing this for 10+ years and most parents are unable to do that with their child on the spectrum.
My mom works in an OBGYN and talks to many mothers in a day. Her favorites these days are the one's who have a child with Autism. Most of those mom's cannot go far because their child cannot handle the change and the surroundings.
Right now Amelia goes along for the ride. I am unsure what she will be like as an adult. What I do know is that I will keep pushing and making her see and try new things. I cannot watch my other children sit on the sidelines because Amelia says no.

Lately I have been a crying mess. I have myself overbooked. My sister told me a loonnnggg time ago that being a mom is hard. That Kim can be a real smarty pants at times. Being a mom of four kids is hard. Trying to keep my house clean and tidy is hard. Wash has become impossible. Homework is a pain to say the least. And someday I will get back at the person who invented after school activities.

Then I look at this picture.. Amelia keeping up with A.J. and I feel lucky. My mom says I would be bored without her..

I think I will end with a brag because it's my blog and all. Savannah has worked very hard in gymnastics and finally after almost a year made it into level 2. Very proud!
Kiera started gymnastics this past March and was placed in the standard Pre Gym 5 class. Two weeks ago they bumped her up to level 1. In two weeks Kiera will be starting an invitation only class on Friday nights. I was told I have a natural on my hands. Again,so proud of my girls accomplishments.

Happy Birthday to me!

2011-11-04T13:03:00.002-05:00

One year ago today I asked my dad to send me an Edible Arrangement for a birthday gift someday. It was just delivered! I am 33 today. I just asked A.J. if it's ok to eat the cantaloupe because Jake and Savannah are going to flip when they get home from school. Now I am off to eat some fruit. Have a happy weekend!!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-02T13:18:00.000-05:00

October,another memory

2011-10-30T19:22:00.003-05:00

October,A.J. turned 35 on the 16th. We spent the evening at my mom;s with Kim and her boys. Dinner and dessert.

I love that when we're together we always laugh.

This would be Dominic. Cousins,big and small.

And snow. It snowed before Halloween. I was so unprepared. I had to stuff Jake into size 9 snow boots. That's what A.J. and I do best,we make it work.

The snow gave A.J. a wild hair and he attempted some off roading with a few neighbors. Kiera was one breath shy of a heart attack and good thing I was liquored up because I would of had a heart attack. The other kids think their daddy is SOMUCHFUN! And you know..sometimes we are.

Monday nights

2011-10-17T19:56:00.002-05:00

are spent at the gym. All four of my kids participate in gymnastics. Savannah is very poised and determined. Kiera is a natural. Jake uses up some extra energy and Amelia only sometimes participates. She has this little problem with following directions. The medication makes her very tired. A full school day,2 hours with her TSS after school and then gymnastics...It's a lot to ask of her.

The big apple

2011-10-09T17:53:00.004-05:00

My kids love visiting New Nork. To Jake it's the best place on earth. Savannah loves being out and about,Amelia goes along for the ride because she has has to and Kiera would rather hail a cab for door to door service. It's exactly what we expected.

I dunno. It's New York.

The Subway.

We visited ground Zero. A.J. did not work in NY during 911 but he was apart of the first phase of the new towers going up,up,up and up. So he feels a connection of some sort and needed us to see it for ourselves.

In June Jake borrowed a Skyscraper book from the library.(i eneded up owing money on it so we haven't borrowed since) All day Jake asked questions. And if he was quiet he was taking it all in and storing it for his future. His preschool teacher called Jake her little architect.

The fountain in front of the World Trade center was the biggest hit. They got soaked.

The steps of the Post Office accross from Penn Station. My favorite picture,so random.

A.J. works in the building to the right,Harold Square.

Jake begged and begged to see THE Yankee Stadium. Next time buddy,next time. *promise*

The Empire State building. The last picture of the night and then my camera died. After that we headed to the train station with three tired kids. Savannah is our night owl. She talked all the way home.

We're still here...

2011-10-03T05:30:00.002-05:00

Just stupid busy.

I was getting out of the shower when I heard Jake say, it's snowing! I came downstairs to tiny pieces of paper squares all over the floor. How many times do I have to tell this child,NO scissors?

School.. Jake and Kiera are half day Kindy and It makes me crazy. Amelia is still in her refusal mode and Savannah hates her class this year. Summer anyone?

But as always.. we're good.

Wish I was still here..

2011-08-28T12:39:00.006-05:00

Nauset beach was perfect.

A little town in Chattam. A.J. loved it. The homes were big and beautiful. The town was small and quaint.

We stumbled upon an old fashioned candy store. Hey Savannah candy cigarettes. Say what mom!?! Never mind. Just point to them for
my picture. Why would you take a picture of pretend cigarettes? I loved these as a kid.

Cooperation at it's finest. Black dog balloons. They loved them! I love anything with history.

Goodbye hotel room. You survived us.

Show me your muscles! Jake and Kiera are always game for silliness and giggles.

Ready to go mom. (that's not Kiera's seat it's amelia's)

Almsot home. The GW bridge,New York. A.J.'s safe place,mine not so much.

Cape Cod

2011-08-21T18:50:00.011-05:00

A.J. and I packed up the truck and the kids and went for a drive. Kip Cod as Jake says, was beautiful. Simply stunning. Lived up to all my expectations and then some. Each view was better than the next. The kids loved the sights especially the boats. Jake loved that every where we went was sand,mountains of sand. Savannah wanted to hop aboard a Yacht and I wanted to move into one of the very charming homes. A.J. enjoyed the lighthouses and became over the moon excited when he caught sight of a "D" near Nauset beach lighthouse. What could be better? Yes we have a picture of a disconnect(and Kiera's foot) among all of our vacation pictures. It's a memory..

Forever ago I read Summer Sisters by Judy Blume. During,after and still I would love to pack my bags each Summer and unpack them in Martha's Vineyard. A.J. knowing I have wanted to visit the cape for as long as he has known me became very agreeable when I suggested a trip to Cape Cod.
We boarded the ferry and the short ride to Martha's Vineyard was lovely. I have a new infatuation for boats,all kinds.

Our bikes. At this moment there was no love for our bikes. I could tell you the story of how Amelia screamed for 4 miles and then Kiera for 2. We had to take a bus back to Oak Bluffs and had to split up,3 and 3. A.J. boarded the wrong bus and had to get off only to wait for the right bus.All of this was accomplished with no sunblock. # brand new bottles sitting all cozy in the hotel room just waiting to be sprayed. But why would I bore you? Besides,we loved it,the kids loved it. And yes,we would go back again.

The beaches were covered in seaweed and the water was warm.

Provincetown was my favorite. This is where my kids leaned agaisnt a railing that was covered in fresh oil based white paint. We then had to seek out the painter for some paint thinner. He was amused and felt no damage was done. I begged to differ but kept my mouth shut and took 5 minutes to myself.

The town was bustling with all types of people. We have a town near us,New Hope,that beams with Gay pride.
The back streets were the best. An old grave yard that dated back to the 1800's. As I walked past each house I couldn't help but wonder if they were a local or just passing through.

The boats.

Nauset beach how we loved you. We stayed in Hyannis. But quickly realized that each and every day we were there we found ourselves in Nauset. There was always something new to discover. Our days started early and ended late jam packed with sights and towns and beaches.

Kiera loved night swimming. It's how they ended each night. A swim,shower and sound asleep in minutes. Amelia lost her front tooth the second night into our trip and had a visit from the tooth fairy. lucky girl.

We drove down memory lane or how many times can I say grand mom

2011-08-11T06:20:00.005-05:00

It was my Grandmom's 83rd birthday. My mom has been wanting to take me and my sister on a tour of her old hood for what seems like years now. Amanda I want you to see where I grew up.

We started out in Chestnut Hill for lunch. It was HOT-ot out.

A.J. looked at this picture and said,did you go to the Zoo? Proof that he has selective hearing when I talk.

They all sat. I snapped a picture,because they all sat,willingly.

Jake is not wearing red.. He gave a good fight. I won.

The toy store.

My mom bought Savannah a hula hoop. On the sidewalk she busted out swinging her hips. Am I considered a bad mom because I had no idea my girl could hula hoop? She's good too! Can really keep it going.

Now for some history.

My mom and dad were both born in Ohio. it only sounds meant to be. My mom's dad died when she was only 15-18ish months old from black lung. Mt grandmom who was living the 1950's dream suddenly found herself living a nightmare. She had to sell off the house and all belongings and head back home. Philadelphia,Germantown.

My great grandfather used to sit on this enclosed porch and listen to the Phillies game. My heart aches looking at this picture. Real life that is now a memory.

My dad is one of nine. His family lived in this house for a few years according to my dad. I wonder how they all fit? My dad did not tell me too much more even when I pressed for more information. He talks more about his mom before she died in her early 40's of a heart condition. He refers to his dad as crazy Nick.

My grand mom remarried a boy she knew from high school. Had three more girls,so my mom is one of four. They lived here for years and years. It was considered a single home. Alley ways on both sides. My mom said they used to put on plays in the Alley way to the left,it was their stage. The big bay window was in my Grand mom's room. One Christmas Eve when my mom was little she was sitting at the Bay window looking for Santa. My grand mom came rushing up when she heard my mom screaming,there is Santa,there is Santa! Years later my mom was told it was the man across the street who had dressed up for his own party. My mom's eyes always sparkle when she tells this story.
At the time the house felt huge,so I have been told. An entry way with a big staircase. Four bedrooms upstairs. Four girls bustling around. I love to ask my grandmom questions and hear the memories retold over and over. Sometimes my aunts will add what they remember and sometimes my Grand mom is slightly surprised.

The bars on the windows make me sad. The neighborhood went downhill,and that is saying it nicely.

Then we went to a Novena. It's a Catholic thing.

The church my mom went to growing up. My dad was an Alter server and my grandfather was an Usher.

My mom was about 14 and was told to meet the family at Church. My grandmom was in the front with my grandfather and three of their girls when she heard very loud clunking down the isle. She remembers saying,please dear God do not let that be my Kathy.. And as my mom says with a big smile,it was me,I didn't want to leave my friends for church. I love this memory it never gets old.

Candles were lit,prayers said and tears shed. Apparantly Amelia will be cured according to my Grand mom. I wish I could be that naieve. Or grew up in a simpler time.

**spell check refused to work. I cannot be held responsible for all my errors. I was mediating squinky and zooble fights while typing.

We went bowling

2011-08-06T08:32:00.008-05:00

On a really hot day.

Amelia was sad in the beginning but worked through it herself. Or we would of had to leave.

And because of Amelia's success I even bowled.
(i have no idea what is on the back of my shorts)

Jake did not come by choice. On a whim I sent A.J. to Home Depot to price out flooring. And on a whim he came home with one. So A.J. put his little buddy to work. Jake who is always up for a challenge and very focused like his daddy took his job very seriously. Kiera's pink gardening gloves and his Phillies Natic shirt. What more could a boy need?

And this picture? Just felt like it.

We had fun. Hope to go again real soon. The end.

Words only a good parent can preach

2011-07-21T14:40:00.004-05:00

I am not your friend, I am your PARENT. I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU! When you understand my love, I will know you are a responsible adult. You will NEVER find another individual who loves, prays, cares, worries about or supports you more than I do!

We went to the beach again..

2011-07-19T20:29:00.000-05:00

Impromptu is always the best...

Wearing red is not optional

2011-07-08T21:53:00.007-05:00

Jake has been a Phillies fan since before he was born. There is no other explanation for his need to wear RED,all the time. This kid bleeds red,so to speak. When he was one my mom bought him his first phillies tshirt. At one and a half he would scream to wear it. I thought nothing of it,at the time. He is now five and wears red/black/blue/white(all with Phillies graphics) about five days a week.(he has quite the collection of T's)The other days I beg and plead with him to wear something else. He also wears his hat and insisted A.J. buy the adult matching hat. A.J. did of course.

During our block party a few weeks ago there was a TV outside for the men to watch the game. Jake was among them watching intently. A.J. not so much. In a house where soccer is the sport we have a baseball fan.

We talk baseball lots in my house. Good thing Savannah loves to chat and A.J. enjoys answering questions.

Jake: Hey Kiera turn around and I will give you a massage.
Kiera: Ok, and turns around.(why she would trust him is beyond me)
Jake: whacks her back with his hand so hard that it echoed through the house. He runs off giggling.
Me: Has to swoop Kiera up to try and calm her down.
He is so fresh. Loves to tease.

Last week Jake got to go to a game with my mom and step dad. Hall of Fame seating,behind thrid base. This picture makes me happy. When Jake woke up that morning he was already dressed in his shirt and hat. Excited much?

A local ice cream joint and just look at all the red. And the guy in the hat,yup,that's A.J. alright.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-07-06T17:07:00.004-05:00

4 World Trade Center New York,NY. A.J. took this in passing today. Ground zero is busier then ever.

**red arrow above building**

Loving the beach

2011-07-05T08:07:00.008-05:00

Last year on the 4th we packed up in minutes and headed to the beach and did not get there until after 3pm. This year we did it the right way. We packed up the night before and were out of the house before 9am and were on the beach by 10:45am.

It seems that day trips have been our only way of getting onto the beach since Jake and Kiera have been born. Savannah and Amelia have vacationed at Ocean City NJ but were to young for any real memories. My sister was still married then and we would all(my mom and step dad too) go down as one.big.happy family. I would love for that to happen again but knowing that her boys are getting older and the circumstances of our busy lives will most likely never allow it again. Kim and I still talk about the day that we went to the local shops for some browsing and Amelia didn't make a peep in the baby Bjorn. It's such a simple memory..

I grew up going to Ocean City. My parents,grandparents,aunts,uncles and cousins would spend a week every Summer packed into one house. I ave vivid memories of boogie boarding(it was yellow and blue)in the ocean,building sand castles,riding the rides,browsing shops and some years watching the fireworks from the boardwalk.

When A.J. and I talk about the beach only one place comes to my mind. I can only hope that I am giving my children similar memories.

I hardly saw this girl all day. Savannah+Ocean=TRUE LOVE

A view from my chair.

Amelia only had one outburst and it was over a toy that she saw in a store window. We were able to work through it. One salt water taffy later and she was over it. When we were leaving she said,can I look at the toy again? No Amelia you can't handle it. I promise mommy I will handle it this time in my head. We avoided a repeat outburst and just kept walking to the car. I do give her props for trying though.

People ask if Kiera eats. Umm yeah this girl eats. As in all the time eats.

Me,Jake and Kiera wandered the boards a few times hitting up the bathroom and browsing shops. Their favorite part was the guy giving out free samples of fudge. Jake had a moment of,where have you been all my life. (I was all,I know buddy it's some good stuff).

It is sOoo hard getting a picture of all four kids these days. I continue to try because there might be one diamond in the haystack.

The last picture of the day. A.J. and I were loosing them one by one. Exhaustion had set in.

2011-07-01T21:41:00.008-05:00

Kim had a very small graduation party for two of her boys,Joey and Dominic. One graduated from High school and the other from eighth grade.

Everyone but Amelia had a great time. Apparently she wasn't sold on all the good food.

Do not be fooled by this sweet face. She came unglued shortly after and ruined my whole entire night. I came home and cried. Cried because she was so awful. And while she was outside having a blast at the block party(yes we had two *obligations* in one day)I got a text. A friend/neighbor who was on vacation and she was asking how the block party was. I cried harder. Texted back that it seemed everyone was having fun... A few more texts and I felt better. Why? Because I am SO not alone.

So off topic,but every now and then I feel the need to shop. And I get so excited when I find something really,really fun.

For $5 dollars I came across these beauties while buying some combs(and too think i was originally excited because i remembered to stop and buy combs) in the local Beauty Depot(store).
(*** not the greatest picture but Kiera was done with me at this point)

I have no words except that these cages were very popular amongst the young crowd.

And that's all I've got. Unless you would like me to babble on about my hair loss due to my thyroid being all types of up and down. I think I will save that for another day. Happy Fourth!! I hope it's a good one!

You make me smile

2011-06-23T08:22:00.004-05:00

Last day of preschool. No more ridiculous steps. IEP in place for Kiera. I am ready for Kindergarten. Jake and Kiera,not so much.

Amelia started Tenex this month. Yes,A.J. and I are reluctantly medicating our child. This was a stressful decision to say the least. But after our second round of not being allowed back into school unless Amelia visits her Psychiatrist to clear her of all her crazies... We agreed. So she's been tired,very tired. It's hard to see my girl lounging. *sigh*

Last day of school for the girls. Savannah and Amelia.

This picture makes me smile. 6+4+3=13 My friend Kathleen invited me and another family over for some pizza and fun. Kathleen has 6 kids,I obviously have 4 and the other mom has 3. The kids were great and I sure hope we have pizza again sometime soon.

Kenny Chesney,Zac Brown Band and Billy Currington all made smile. The kind of smile that never stops. The kind that gives you an adrenaline rush. The kind of smile you are craving because 2011 has sucked in a big way. But this concert.. Made me happy and left me with memories. So now,2011 doesn't suck, all that bad anymore.
(me and my cousin christina who just happened to be at the concert. i went to the concert with my friend corie)

My nephew Joey has graduated high school. This picture is my new favorite. (Too bad my vacuum felt the need to be in the picture). The oldest and youngest and tallest and shortest grandchildren. Again I smile.

My dad is not around too often. He called that morning and said where are you? I said at the meat market. He said,oh, I am at your house. So before Kenny Chesney we visited with my dad. Kim came over with Joey and we had lunch. A.J. took Savannah to the Dr.'s to get her throat swabbed just so she could test positive for strep. Busy. The Metzger house is busy. Some days I hate it, but most days I need it,crave it,love it. Busy will not be forever and I am ok with that.

We've made the memories

2011-05-27T15:16:00.005-05:00

Now it's time to get the hell out! It's more like we are being forced to move on because my babies have grown so quickly. Preschool will end this week and I will be sad. I have been waiting anxiously for the day that I would no longer be writing a tuition check. We are public schoolers here so paying for a school is a bitch when you know that there is a great education for free in the future. So here I sit with my stomach in knots just thinking about the Fall. Kiera will start this new chapter of her life with an IEP in place. Jake will have one too,eventually. One kid at a time. Amelia is hanging on by a thread and Savannah is a rock star. The Spring soccer league that she played for has personally requested her back for the fall. It went something to the tune of... Your daughter has a natural talent. We have never seen someone so young box(soccer terminology meaning that nobody and I mean nobody can get the ball from Savannah when takes on her boxing stance)like she can. She is so very polished... Who has been coaching her? A.J. simply BEAMED with pride and said,yes, she will be back.
The picture above is a sentimental one. It's the last time they will be on the preschool playground,all four of them,together. Family fun night was a great time. Savannah spent the evening getting her exposed body parts painted and it left me wondering what is in store for the future... Good thing tattoos are so dang expensive...

The road not taken

2011-05-21T20:13:00.002-05:00

Give three 5 year olds some chalk and a culdasac and the possibilities are endless. In their case it was a road,that led to the woods,and hasn't been thought about since that Friday night that gave us all the feeling of Summer.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Look mom...

2011-05-17T18:53:00.004-05:00

I'm Miss America!!!

And just one more because,oh I don't know,just because Savannah is wearing pink.

Just because...

2011-05-14T10:14:00.003-05:00

this girl always makes me smile. We've got a school carnival to get to,so Happy Saturday!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T11:51:00.002-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-05-03T20:59:00.000-05:00

Enjoying the field time

2011-04-29T20:37:00.005-05:00

Spring soccer has sprung. I love going to the field,setting up my blue chair and plopping my ass in it. Savannah and Jake practice while Amelia and Kiera run free. It's two hours of the week where we get to be a family. No phone calls,no emails,no TSS supports,no behaviorists,no nothing. The first few weeks the weather was cold but I think the warmth is trying really hard to make a comeback.

Amelia is a very lucky girl to have such a great daddy. It seems some days I should clock in for all the time I am spending on cleaning up the mess Amelia has made in the recent months. A.J. has been my greatest support in all of this. There was one evening in particular that he took a *very important person* phone call for me so I could talk to the TSS who was in my home. On another late evening he sent out an email from his computer to Amelia's new Special Ed teacher while I emailed the principal from my blackberry. He has been reading,rereading and editing behavioral plans with me in between completing his own work. Every little bit of help counts and means the world to me. I could never nor do I want to do this on my own. Since late March our lives have been non stop and there is no end in sight at this time. Without a doubt he tries to be the best daddy he can.

My mom:You are learning very quickly at a young age.
Me:Because you weren't young once doing this?
My mom:I was but you're different. You're not giving anyone an inch. You're tough and not taking a back seat or letting them push you down.
Me:I'm different than you. I am not as trusting as you are.
My mom:Well don't stop you're doing good.

I accidentally washed the name tag and now he has sticker stuck to his shirt. Permanently. It kinda sucks that I did that.

And these two? As always love spending time together. Amelia and Kiera are almost always no trouble for me. They are such little pleasures. Although A.J. may disagree and warn you to never,ever,make Kiera angry.

Around and around and around we keep going

2011-04-24T20:41:00.005-05:00

We have been busy with...
-school
-gymnastics
-Amelia and her short visit to a crisis center
-Amelia's breakdown
-kid fit
-behaviorists and wrap around
-spring soccer
-school meetings
-riding bikes
-dragging(literally) Amelia out of school two days in a row(not our most productive days)
-Chalking up the driveway

-pink eye
-more school meetings
-lots of tears
-the dentist
-rita's water ice
-the trampoline
-friends
-dying Easter eggs

If you can get past the awful picture of yours truly you can really see what's taking place here. I am barking orders and by golly Savannah is listening to me. One outta four ain't bad.

And to simply put it. They had fun. Made a big ole mess that was an easy clean up.

The Easter bunny was very unprepared this year. I got to experience Walmart at 12:25am. I hope to never have to do that again. I shudder thinking about it.

It all worked out and we had a wonderful Easter. My kids hardly made a peep in church today which is shocking because Jake almost always causes a scene. Amelia is usually hungry,thirsty or just wants to go home and has no problem screaming it so everyone hears her. Kiera is usually very ornery each.and.every.Sunday.

This was my most favorite Easter by far. We got our cheese cake and licked the plate clean.

So this month...
-in true A.J. and Amanda fashion,we just kept going
-hardly asked any questions
-and always found something to laugh about
-because next month?
-we'll be doing it all over again in one way or another

The welcoming commitee and oh how it gets deep

2011-03-22T21:45:00.003-05:00

It's only Tuesday and I am already mentally exhausted. I received a letter from school stating that Amelia's Special Ed teacher(mrs. r) is leaving as of April. I felt my knees buckle and I started sinking in that pesky quicksand again. I then composed myself for a whole minute while I let Amelia's behaviorist into my house for the very first time. It was when she said,please tell me what I need to know about Amelia when the uncontrollable tears came flooding down. I couldn't stop. Maybe I didn't want too? I cried all evening off and on until I went to bed. Why when my girl is doing so good would her teacher leave?
Luckily Amelia's IEP meeting was scheduled for today. I went in and everything seemed so...normal. Mrs. R started talking and I was signing papers. More IEP talking. I started to cry. Why are you leaving? It turned out ok,I will spare you the details. Mrs. R is helping out the school district for a few months and will/should be back in September.

I never wanted a child in Special Ed. Swore with all my might God would never do that too me. Then after Amelia was diagnosed Mrs. R took my very hesitant hand and welcomed me in and now I never want to leave.
A friend just recently said to me... This time last year you had 4 normal healthy kids. Now you have one with Autism and another that needs to go for further speech and cognitive testing. Yes my little,sassy and yet so sweet Kiera failed her evaluation this week with the IU. It was a blow. A big one. I am(and have to be)okay with it. I struggled in school and no one helped me. No one believed in me. SO I will fight yet again for another child of mine.
So while at Amelia's IEP meeting and in between my tears and tissues,I talked about Kiera. What I might need in the upcoming months. What she might need for Kindergarten in the Fall. So yeah,it totally sucks for Kiera.
It always could be worse. MUCH worse.
I have been granted so many supports in and out of school. I am lucky,so very lucky. I have so many people on mine and my kids side. People who love fiercely.
The special ed world seems so small in comparison to Savannah's typical world. But once your in it's huge with endless possibilities and opportunities. Amelia has the world in her hands and she hasn't a clue. I am not sure if she will ever figure it out or open her mind up enough to notice. I would love to live in her world for day. I bet it's one big happy party. Haven't you ever noticed just how happy Special Ed kids are? Even my brother always has a smile on his face and he can't walk or talk.

Zoom Zoom

2011-03-19T08:21:00.005-05:00

It's March. I wrote my last Preschool payment a few days ago. It was painful for all the wrong reasons. I am just done spending money on school when I am SO ready to for ALL my kids to be in free school. I bumped into Amelia's teacher(special ed)after school,but at school,and we talked. Talked about how good my girl is.

You're so lucky,she will never run into a street or jump out of a window. You are going to come and visit me years and years from now and I will say,I told you so. She is going to fit it,like really fit in.

I started to cry because Amelia's teacher stared to cry. The teacher had, had a bad day. She spent the day working with another child on the Spectrum who I guess has more issues. Here's the thing. Earlier in the day I was talking to a friend(a friend who earlier in the week texted me that I need to buy another friend a 6 pack of muffins for helping me out in a pinch. That was the best text I have ever received) I can't see Amelia as an adult. Kindergarten was hell and first grade stared with me stepping in some quick sand. So I will keep doing what I do. It's called Procrastination. While I am procrastinating I will hold on to the words of I told you so,because someday they might feel really good.

I haven't been taking any pictures. I had a mini breakdown at the very beginning of this month and the other mom rubbed my shoulder and told me it would be okay. That mom has 6 kids and was comforting the mom with only 4 kids. Something I don't say all that often. Four kids is hard. Very hard. Not to mention ridiculously expensive. I am out of my funk. Spring is right around the corner and I am feeling the sunshine.(even if it's only for a day)

A.J. came to me on a Monday and told me the miles are up on his lease. By Saturday we were signing for a car. I was a hater at first. What I like is not what he likes. The first time I drove it I fell in love.

I've got a die hard Phillie's fan on my hands. I've also got a label snob. His shirts must be bought from the ball park store only. Luckily he doesn't ask for much and he has a grandma that likes to attend Phillie's games.

Other things like,the gym is kicking my butt! I do love it though,as do the kids. Surprisingly A.J. does too. We also joined the pool for another Summer of swimming and a mom who gets tired from all the swimming.

Oh! My babies are signed up for Kindergarten. I don't think it's hit me yet.

And that's all I've got. It's Saturday morning and I just mediated a fight between Amelia and Kiera. We've got another busy,very planned day ahead of us.

I was there...

2011-02-07T17:08:00.003-06:00

During morning drop off I always wait until I see Amelia walk into school with Savannah not to far behind. Today I was ready to pull away when I saw a glimpse of Savannah sprinting to the door. That is when I noticed Amelia had dropped her lunch box. Savannah picked up everything,closed the lunch box and handed it back to Amelia. Then in unison my girls turned around and were looking for me. It took everything in me not to jump out of the car. To make sure that Amelia was still willing to walk into school. That she wasn't embarrassed. Most importantly I wanted to scream from the roof of my truck the biggest thank you to Savannah.
Maybe Savannah only pretends Amelia is the worst thing that has ever happened to her. Maybe it's really ok that Amelia lives and breathes in our house. Maybe.. No big hopes yet,just a glimmer.

She may be autistic but she's my sister

She may be different she's still my sister

She may act funny but I still love her

She may eat different things but I still adore her

She may not be able to help me but I still admire her

That's the one who I care for my little sister

Amber - Age 11

(sweet right? i stumbled across this little beauty)

Greatful

2011-01-27T13:55:00.006-06:00

Christmas has come and gone. We scaled way back in 2010 because my children hardly play with toys.

My neighborhood is small. When we moved in it was quiet and I was lonely. Two years after we moved in we got new neighbors. I never imagined myself friendly with anyone in my neighborhood. For the longest time I imagined myself on a dirt road with no one around for miles. Instead I have the exact opposite. We have block parties and emails that get sent when there is a black car driving around at unusual times or when an elderly neighbor goes into the hospital for hip surgery.

(making a snow fort is way better with a corona bucket)

During the Summer we hang out in the street and talk while the kids play. When a car comes the mom's scream car in unison. We have Easter egg hunts and picnics for no reason but to drink,eat and talk.

The kids had a blast the other night having a snow ball fight. It felt like Summer except in the snow.

I watched Oprah the other day and she was quoting a survey that someone had done that I feel could be true. You are 34% happier when you are friends with your neighbors. Now don't dare think we don't have weirdos and drunks and possible swingers. Although we really do like the drunk and the maybe swingers. We even have Autism and Bipolar disorders. We have joked that there is something in the water. But, somehow it works,our neighborhood works.

Some good has come Amelia's way. In December I rushed into the girls school to help out a friend. As I was walking in I turned my head to look down the hallway. It took a few seconds to register that my child was kicking the wall and crying. I then found out the regular ed teacher was putting my Amelia in the hallway during her one hour of regular ed. Appalling,I know. After a meeting with the Principal Amelia has a new teacher and a new classroom full of possibilities. Savannah had Mrs. P last year. Mrs.P caught wind of Amelia in the hallway and started bringing Amelia into her classroom in the afternoon so we knew it was a perfect fit.
We also got some news from Kiera's teacher. It is quite possible my littlest green eyed girlie has a learning disability. I am not surprised. If she does in fact have one I am very grateful for the contacts I have made at school because of Amelia. Life is a full circle it seems.

No gone for good...

2011-01-12T08:35:00.002-06:00

I will be back very soon. Maybe tonite? Or next month.. My computer has officially left me and I have been using A.J.'s when I can.

An all American day

2010-12-18T09:23:00.003-06:00

Amelia has wanted nothing more than to shop at an American Girl store. I promised her Lanie for her birthday in September and she is not one to forget. The best phone call I have made this month was when I scheduled a personnel shopper. I explained Amelia a head of time and Kim was a wonderful addition to our busy day.

This was Kiera's very short lived happy time. Then she became miserable. The girl hates to walk.

My most favorite picture of the day. Too bad it was taken with A.J.'s phone. We did not bring my camera and I am still kicking myself for not doing so. what was i thinking? To be honest,it was all A.J.'s fault...

And now I am signing off. I think I have a sinus infection that is kicking my ass this weekend. I have never been so happy for a weekend to end. My Dr.'s office opens back up tomorrow and this momma needs an antibiotic.

Oh these two

2010-12-07T13:10:00.012-06:00

It was a cold December 8th day with impending snow. I called my mom to tell her I was not going to the hospital for my weekly non stress test. She okayed me to death and then showed up to drive me to the hospital.
The nurse hooked me up while my mom walked Amelia up and down the hallway. The test went smoothly. No contractions. I simply told the nurse I was having pressure. With hesitation she called Triage for the Dr. on call and he said come on over. I wanted to laugh in the nurse's band scream TOLD YOU SO!
The Dr. checked me and nothing. I had been 5cm for weeks and holding steady. He told the nurse to find a reason to admit me. It turned out that my blood pressure was sky high so they did some blood work for preeclampsia. Hey,it got me in.
The Dr. broke my water and hooked me up to potocin. I labored for some time and then the Dr. checked me,8cm. I then went crazy from the pain. I begged for nu bane and eventually the nurse gave in per the Dr.'s orders. To be honest,she was an ass. A very mean ass.
I am not sure what happened next... I think my body started pushing..
They wheeled me to the OR where I refused to get on the table. Who in the hell makes a woman in labor get off a bed and walk over to the cold,stainless steel table??(Only my ass of a nurse) My Dr. told the nurse to chill out and wait,for me. I was then hooked up to a heart monitor,the anastegiologist kept asking if I was healthy,the ultrasound tech was rolling that thing all over my belly and the Dr. was telling me to PUSH. Out came Jake.
Kiera was breech. My labor stopped. The ultrasound tech went crazy with that wand and the nurse started the pitocin back up. Nothing like labor stopping halfway through. (This next part makes me cringe every time) I watched the Dr. stick her hand up me,her arm diappearing, and pulled Kiera out. The silence filled the room. Kiera was rushed to the NICU. Jake was still in the OR with me,swaddled.
I was cleaned up and brought back to the Triage room. I did not get to see them intil the wee hours of the next day.
Now for the truth... I wasn't sure if I loved them. Or even wanted them. It took everything in me to smile. Pretend I was happy. No one told me I had PPD. No one even asked. I fed them,held them,bathed them,kissed them and worried about them. I was going through the motions. Pretending to be that mom.
It took me awhile but I came around,on my own. These days they are my pals.

Five years later and they have stolen the show. They are smart,shy,funny,athletic,curious,loved,persistent,talkative,LOUD,a daddy's boy and a mommy's girl.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my babies.

Me and my BIG 5 year olds made cupcakes. They will be taking these to school tomorrow to share with their friends.

Rudolph and Friends

For each cupcake carefully snap two pretzels into antler shapes and press them into chocolate frosted cupcakes.

Shape each ear from a half of a tootsie roll midgee and arrange them near the antlers.

Press on a mini vanilla wafer for a snout,then use a small dab of frosting to attach a red or brown M&M.(i used red sparkle decorating gel) Finish by attaching white M&M eyes dotted with black decorating gel.(i used brown M&M's because i was unable to find white M&m's)

ADORABLE!!

**I understand I have lots of spelling errors**

The holidays have begun

2010-12-05T17:19:00.007-06:00

I was invited to Jake and Kiera's Thanksgiving party.

We celebrated Thanksgiving with my dad's family this year. I was slammed with anxities and a swollen gland. I was not myself... Amelia had the greatest time of everyone there,or so it seemed!

The Christmas decorations have made their apperance yet again. I think next year I am going to decorate the inside of my house. I have yet to buy Santa'a and such because I've had little hands that touch everything for 8 years now. I see that light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter.

The outside lights are up. My kids love Christmas lights. The excitement that consumes my house ecah night when they turn on is priceless. Every night since the house has been decorated Jake begs to go out and look at the lights.
My parents always decorate the front of their house and my most favorite part was falling asleep with the candles in my windows lightly glowing. It screamed Christmas too me. Now my mom keeps the candles up year round and it has lost it's Santa is coming excitement.

Today we went into a tiny historical town to watch a Christmas parade. A.J. must've said a million times,I have never been to a Christmas parade before.

It was very sweet and the kids loved it.

The best part was the man picking up all the sh!T on the ground from the animals.

And then on the way home we made a 7 dollar purchase. Amelia won again. It was on sale and I was dying of thirst. Tomorrow back to school. This week blew by.

Why must I give advice???

2010-11-28T16:33:00.002-06:00

This all took place in the parking lot of my little two's preschool. Another mom of twins was telling me how she can't walk anywhere because they won't hold her hand and they run in opposite directions.(they are in the dreaded terrible two's) All was going well until I told her to just squeeze their hands very tightly and dig your nails in. They will learn... It became silent. Another mom whom knows me all too well started laughing. Even more uncomfortable silence. I continued to babble on about how it sounds like I am training a dog. But really it worked! Jake and Kiera have been walking with me for what seems like years now!
I don't think I can ever look her in the eyes again. Except for the awful fact of Jake and Kiera being invited to the daughters birthday party before my witty advice. Another friend who was not there but heard from me about my rambling shame said,hey, you just say out loud what we all do quietly.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-16T20:57:00.005-06:00

The unexpected...

2010-11-13T07:56:00.005-06:00

During our Indian Summer in October my kids really got into raking leaves.

On my birthday A.j. called and said I picked you up some cupcakes. There was one called Pinkalicious and I got it for Amelia. That afternoon I had to pick Amelia up in the counselors office because she was having another breakdown. It turns out she was upset that is was my birthday and she would not get anything special. I love how life unexpectedly turns out sometimes. Amelia has a daddy who thought of her on November 4th while buying cupcakes for me. Amelia calmed down and we were able to leave school in a timely manner.

This is expected. *sigh* My kitchen table. This drives me batty all day long. All it's missing is Jake sitting on it,not in a chair in front of it.

My new favorite. And this was unexpected.

Life at it's best

2010-11-03T12:30:00.005-05:00

My birthday was this week. 32. I dropped Savannah and Amelia off late in the pouring rain. Some parts of me wanted to write a note warning Amelia's teacher that it might be another bad day. Yesterday was so bad that the Principal was called in to help calm Amelia down.
Last week A.J. and I had a meeting with the the Principal(Ms. A). Mrs. M(head teacher) would not let Amelia's aide call the Special Ed teacher into the room to bring Amelia down from her tantrum. It's in her IEP to do so... Amelia left school screaming and crying enough tears to water all the plants on school grounds. It went from 1 to 10 in seconds. *sigh* The meeting went well and Mrs. A took it very seriously.
I was called in twice on my birthday to help with Amelia. BAD,BAD day. Shoulda sent in that note.
I then received a call from the school Behavoralist informing me that wrap around care is almost necessary. Amelia needs one on one care throughout the school day. I am not ready for this. It seems so simple but it's really not. I am not ready to welcome another person into Amelia's and my life. Gosh,I just had to add the Principal to my Christmas list.
My brother has Cerebral Palsy and was just placed into a group home. My mom said to me that could be Amelia. Silently the panic ripped through my body. I worry more than I let on. I often read blogs that seem so perfect and then I wonder how perfect can they be???

Most days I push my worries to the side and live life with and for my kids. So here is what is normal for us and most of America,I hope.

The week before halloween we were ghosted. The kids were beside themselves giddy. Jake was very much apart of the ghosting but refused to be in any pictures because he was too busy throwing himself on the floor. He swore Savannah took his bag but infact found it in his room the following day.

Again with the soccer,enough already! Jake and Kiera had their last game on the 30th. Jake ran the field,handled the ball and scored some goals. One of the mom's asked if daddy has been working with him because he is so good. I kindly said thanks.(I had Amelia next to me thrashing about) Kiera picked some grass and then finally agreed to give it a whirl. The ball slammed her in the face and A.J. carried her off the field screaming,I hate soccer. Then the trophy's were handed out and suddenly Kiera was a proud soccer player. I will not be signing her up next year.

I am homeroom mom for Savannah's class this year. The kids painted pumkins,dipped apples into carmel and other assorted toppings and pinned the nose on the pumpkin. I think they had fun.

Jake and Kiera get

Halloween. I forgot to take a picture of just my kds. What was I thinking???

A game gone good

2010-10-23T19:23:00.000-05:00

Score 3-1,gold team.

What our weekends have been filled with...

2010-10-19T15:12:00.007-05:00

I keep reading blogs and looking at pumpkin patch pictures. I had big plans this month to do so. Instead soccer has taken over all of our lives. We have a coach, and when he is not coaching he is reffing and when he is not reffing he is lining the fields. And we cannot forget all the meetings and training that seem to all be planned for October. To be honest,my kids haven't even asked for pumpkins and love going to the field. They love the playground and the constant flow of kids.

Hey Jake can I take your picture??? Jake can you smile??? He's fresh I tell you.

Under the stars and freezing our tails off.

Number 10 is mine.

Hail Mary full of grace...

Savannah was goalie. We lost 3-0. Her spirit took a beating.

A.J. turns 34. I met him when he was 19.

October

2010-10-05T19:12:00.004-05:00

Somebody got new glasses and I love them. Savannah picked them out all by herself.

Meet Barbie. I can only guess that Amelia must have been involved.

Jake loves his Lincoln logs. The logs that have a square around them are trees with leaves that have fallen to the ground. He is so super creative.

Speaking of Amelia. Mrs.R told her the other day that she was going to call her daddy and let him know how she was acting. Amelia said,go ahead Mrs.R my daddy works in NY and it will take awhile for him to get here. And that would be one of the many reasons Amelia is so,so,SO favored and loved by all who are privileged to work with her during the school day. The girl has a whole lotta pull. Every person I speak to lately squeals in delight because they got to meet Amelia M.'s mom. They also have a story about how funny my girl is. It usually ends with me laughing very uncomfortably and apologizing.

October brought the cooler weather and it's glorious.

It has also brought out the need for all things Halloween.

Savannah went from wanting to be a cheer leader with pig tails to,wait for it... A cow girl. Be still my beating heart. She presented the idea with,so I was thinking I could wear your Kenny Chesney hat? The next day I burned some rubber just find some cow girl boots.

Amelia is being a sassy and flirty Alice in Wonderland.(her words not mine.)

Jake is being Woody. I scored the costume at Walmart for 12 dollars. It's pathetic and adorably awesome all in one. I'll spit on you Disney store for your 50 dollar costume.

Kiera is being a ballerina. I wanted so badly for her to be Jessie. She fought me and won. Then, when she saw Jake's hat she obnoxiously screamed to be Jessie. So a ballerina she will be. Now who won.

In a New York minute

2010-09-20T18:25:00.012-05:00

September started with a long Labor day weekend of a whole lotta busy and as always much loved randomness.

Then my oldest gal celebrated her 8th birthday. It feels like yesterday I was sitting on my blue plaid couch crying my eyes out because she wouldn't stop crying and I was wishing her to just be 5 or 6. It's all so bitter sweet.

All Savannah really wanted was a hula hoop for her birthday.

Summer has faded and school has started.

A very dear family gave this gem to us.

This little girl says THANKYOU.

Soccer,soccer and more soccer. We love us some soccer in this house. My most favorite pictures I have taken this month are right here. Savannah running with all her might to gain control of the ball.

And oh did she ever.

Jake and Kiera love soccer practice. During the first game they stood there like a deer in head lights. Kiera was my grass picker for most of the game. Jake did on the other hand score a goal during the second game. It was a shocker to say the least. Soccer almost looks effortless for Jake but being aggressive is too much for him to handle. So in the moment of scoring Jake must've forgotten all eyes were on him.

We had big plans to go apple picking. We got to the local farm and realized it just wasn't going to happen. So after a few pictures we hopped in the car to apple pick somewhere else. A.J. then asked if we would like to take the train to New Nork. Jake and Kiera play New Nork just about everyday so they screamed with excitment at the mere suggesstion. Only one small can we do it moment was when A.J. read off the train schedule. It was 1pm and we needed to catch the 1:31pm train.

We SOo made it! My kids rock.

We were tourists and loved every minute of it. Hard Rock was a hit.

In more ways than one.

The ferris wheel in Toys R Us. Savannah and Jake together are the best at taking in new sights. New souls is what I lovingly refer to them as.

A blurry view from the top.

After walking what seemed like a bazillion blocks with Amelia screaming and crying because she was not allowed to get a toy from Toys R Us we finally got our girl back in the Gap. A minute or so of circle walking and she was ready to join our family again.

The best part of the afternoon was the kids physically seeing where daddy works. We were walking back to the train station when Jake asked,where do you work daddy? A.J. suddenly stopped and said, right here Jake. It was darn special,especially from a kids perspctive. Even Amelia was excited.

***Spell check is not working again***

Her daddy's pride and joy

2010-09-13T08:08:00.006-05:00

You fall in love,get married and have babies. In my case I added 4 kids to the baby carriage. The tricky part is not having the kids(even though that is what the new mom might think)it's raising the kids. You never,ever, know what you are gonna get.

Growing up A.J. bled soccer. He played for township teams,German Hungarian teams,his elementary school team,hand picked private teams,his high school team,indoor and Spring soccer. Towards the end of Sr. year he busted up his ankle and it was his end all. To be honest,I never really heard A.J. talk of soccer except for the casual,yeah I played.

Since Savannah could walk he started kicking the ball around with her. Amelia too,and every now and then with Jake and Kiera.

Savannah without a doubt is her daddy's girl. Her love for soccer in unfolding right before our very eyes. She is not the quickest nor the best on the team but she is pretty damn close. This past weekend she played two games. Scored a goal in the first game and tried a few times in the second game. I am of course her biggest fan and love screaming Go Savannah,Go Savannah. Her name has always rolled off my tongue in the most perfect indescribable way. I admit she makes it rather nail biting. The ball control is mind blowing,she throws her weight around effortlessly and adds in few trick here and there(thanks to her daddy) and bam! she goes from one end of the field to the other as the crowd watches,in pure amazement.

We were putting all our chips into Savannah being the academic one. Man,has she been fooling us.

There is always an end

2010-08-30T18:50:00.004-05:00

The last Summer weekend before school. It started with a little trip to the playground.

Then some soccer practice.

Savannah spent some time with her pal Feyla on Saturday that led into me going to church and dragging my two littles with me. Sunday A.J. treated me to some alone time and took the kids to the pool for a few hours. Alone time,imagine that! Later we went to my new next door neighbors house for their daughter's 1st birthday. I feel so sad for people sometimes when they have to witness the whirlwind that my kids can cause. We literally blew through and the other guests had no clue what happened.The after party was hosted by another neighbor but A.J. went MIA until we witnessed him fall down a teeny tiny hill to tell me my mom was at our house.(i am still unsure if i should apologize for a.j. or not) My mom was then greeted with a warm hug from the other neighbor guy who was clearly doing shots of vodka with A.J. And to think,she only stopped by to drop off some cantaloupe for Savannah and Jake.

Today we went to visit Amelia's teacher and classroom. I *think*(hope) it seems as if we might just have a nice year. (maybe) Although the teacher made a comment about my sweet Savannah's weight to which I replied,well I like to eat too! My heart was shattered into a million pieces. Savannah is the way she is because of genetics and because this is how God intended her to be. We are very proud of her and she is and always will be beautiful to us.

I am sad to see this Summer go. We have made some great memories and I hope what will be lasting friendships.

So now we wait(tic toc tic toc)

2010-08-24T10:48:00.004-05:00

The mailman came yesterday and dropped the much anticipated letter of the Summer. Savannah ripped hers open and then just looked at me. Why would I get Amelia's teacher? Every class this year is inclusive because of the influx of special needs kids. (Amelia being one of them) My world became blurry when I read and reread Amelia's letter and there was no indication of who her special ed teacher is going to be. I put a call into the guidance counselor. And another call today. I stated my case. I want different for Savannah. It's not fair on so many levels for Mrs. R to work with Amelia in the morning and then walk into Savannah's class in the afternoon. No she would not be working with Savannah so to speak but in the end that is a conflict of interest. Last year Savannah tested for the gifted program and was placed in enrichment half way through the year. She started off the school year average and then her overachieving get out of my way or I will knock you down attitude exploded. Imagine our surprise. The goals we have set for Amelia are not the goals we have set for Savannah. We want and expect more of Savannah. We have decided that what is best for Savannah is to be seperated from Amelia and vice versa. It's inevitable Jake and Kiera will have the same teachers as their big sisters but I feel they are far enough behind that it will not matter so much.(poor twins always get what they get)

So now we wait. The guidance counselor suggested that Savannah be switched into another class. The principal is out of office today and when she gets back we should expect a phone call. The end of the week maybe?

It's so hard deciding what is best for your kids. My gut is telling me I am correct and my heart is filled with worry. This time not for Amelia but for Savannah. She's a sensitive girl with a fabulous spirit. I hope no one ever tries to crush it.

The kettle couldn't get any blacker...

2010-08-20T21:17:00.005-05:00

At the Farmers Market today I sat the three littlest at the closest table to where I was,gave them an orange soda and ordered some macaroni salad.(per savannah's request) The inevitable happened,Amelia started screaming. I quickly made eye contact with her and pointed my finger along with my you better stop or else face. She got it. I then looked at my surroundings. The woman next to Amelia was calmly sitting at the table with her 3 grandchildren and they were all eating sushi. These kids were all of 2,2 and 4.(twins) The grandmother gave me that look,that look of,my kids never acted like that and my grandchildren never will either. Sure thing lady!!

I walked back to the table and as I was picking up the bags and telling my brood to follow I hear a voice behind me. You should tell her not to scream. She hurt my ears and I am sure everyone else's ears in here too. I controlled my laughter as I spun around on my heals to try and make eye contact with a twenty something(?) that was holding her hands over her ears. I agreed with her and left with Savannah giving me the look of,that makes no sense mom.

The girl who so kindly gave me advice has autism. She works at the local grocery store and when she is done her shift walks to the Framer's market and wanders. Haven't a clue to where her parents are. Savannah has asked oodles of questions and they have all been answered best to knowledge. And my knowledge is only what I see of her. To be honest,I steer clear of her. Seeing this saddens and scares me to my core. Amelia seems SO different from this girl,but really,is she??? So I push every bad thought from my mind and live only in the moment. I don't dare dream of Amelia's future. Although I do know my girl will never be wandering anywhere by herself no matter how safe the surroundings are.

>

It was calm on this day

2010-08-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

After church on a very simple Sunday morning.

Allstars

2010-08-16T20:01:00.002-05:00

This picture screams memories to me. One of my girls are sportin a fabulous pair of chucks in this picture. I owned two pairs. Purple and green. I was in 8th grade I think??? It was the Summer of innocence mixed with boys and then somewhere along the way we lost our innocence. It was a Summer where we walked everywhere and maybe even rode bikes. We had crushes and boyfriends and thought we were cool for smoking. Now you couldn't pay me enough to put a cigarette to my lips. Gosh that would cause cancer. We had no real identity but we were trying real hard to rock out the punk look. Converse=punk those days. 1993. Then I wore vans and Filas(I was ghetto apparently too) and Nike's and shell tops with my Adidas jacket and swoosh pants. Gosh I was ghetto for longer than I thought. I had two sets of friends. School friends=fabulous ghetto and neighborhood friends=Gap.(my beloved Gap*swoon*) It's so fun to see some trends come back. Although this mismatched sock thing is still questionable to me. Savannah too but Amelia jumped real fast when I told her you can wear any socks you want and they don't have to match. I love Amelia's passion to be different.

Everyone has a dream

2010-08-13T21:06:00.004-05:00

You have to drive over a stone bridge to get into my mom's development. Growing up we called it the hump back bridge. It was one lane,all stone and shaped like a smooth triangle. I logged many walking miles over this bridge. It was the gateway to my friends. In high school,when I was no longer walking,they flattened the bridge but kept the stone for historical purposes. It's a whole lotta George Washington and such over my way. Today I was driving over the bridge as a cut through when a man and a woman came out of the woods on horses. A sight I grew up seeing. Remembering very quickly that this is not my kids norm I quickly proclaimed,look guys at the beautiful horses!! They squealed with delight. I then drove around the big curve and way down the road to the stop sign to my own gateway,my home. At the stop sign there was another car waiting to turn left and I needed to turn right. As I pulled up I recognized the black van,it was my mom. I did not move very far from where I grew up. I moved one township over,8 miles to be exact. What I have only known,my kids only know. Sometimes I wish A.J. and I would have moved far,far away. Other times this,where I am at is so right for us. This month we will be here 5 years. When we moved in I was pregnant with twins,Savannah was not even 3 yet and Amelia was 2. Sadie was only 3. I felt helpless moving here. I was carrying two babies that I was very uncertain of and we had just dumped every penny we had into a fixer upper that left us very,very poor for years to come. Then one day we got new neighbors. Then another set of new neighbors. Kids started filling up the neighborhood. Block parties started happening and friendships started forming. It has taken 5 years for me to love,LOve my home. My life,here. My still fixer upper house is SO us. The flowers I never planted this Summer because we were having so much fun doing other things. The kitchen that still needs another coat of paint is something that never would have happened 5 years ago. I love my street and everything I don't have. My house is a split level and I even love that when my kids wake up at the butt ass crack of dawn I can hear them perfectly downstairs because only 5 steps and a hallway separate me from them. Growing up I always wanted a house just like the one I grew up in. Now I realize there was another plan meant just for me and my family. A grand one. This Summer has been so perfect in everyway. More than I could have ever imagined. The kids and I have been crazy busy. We have two weeks left and there is no chance of slowing down anytime soon.

For the love of silly bandz!!!

2010-08-09T21:10:00.000-05:00

Not now Jake,I am concentrating

2010-08-06T08:59:00.002-05:00

A.J. says I have created a monster. Kiera loves clothes. Twirly dresses,tights with stripes and polka dots,shoes to match each outfit,flowery headbands and anything that might just be over the top. Last night she asked to sit on my lap and shop for Kiera. Can we wook(look)at Matilda Jane mom? I no longer have a monster on my hands I have a fire breathing dragon that *thinks* because she likes she will receive. With four kids in this house there is no chance in hell that will happen my sweet,sweet girly girl. But I promise I will do my best. Especially when she kept saying go back,go back,I want this. I just might need to splurge on this old lady ugly why would someone create such a thing. Gasp! I heart Kiera for inheriting my love of all old lady ugly anything and everything. Me and her are old souls,the only two in our house.

Oh glorious last Thursday of July

2010-07-28T06:54:00.008-05:00

We started July with the after party of the block party that took place from the hrs. of 4-8pm. Savannah had a birthday party and we chose not to attend the actual block party. We did how ever pull up at 8:45pm and my kids played their hearts out until 12:30am and went to bed filthy and exhausted. That just might be the first time in their little lives that they went to bed with filth layers on their body. To a kid that is the definition of Summer.

On this particular night I was slapped with the miserable stick but we went for ice cream anyway. 94 cent cones said the sign. We paid almost 15 for 5 cones. I became even more miserable.

Vacation Bible Camp had an end of the week party. It was sweltering and I could not get out of there fast enough. The kids had fun so I am choosing to end this with a...that's what really counts!

The excitement on Jake's face while waiting for Savannah... He was obviously as bored as I was.

I spy Savannah somewhere in the middle of the crowd of kids.

I despise dirty faced kids eating pictures. But this picture was so necessary. The girl can eat. Like eat eat. Like as in half an Italian hoagie and whatever else is on the table eat eat.

On their way to the Trenton Thunder game. They were sportin our Philly pride. My mom and stepdad picked up the kids at 6:30pm and by 9:45pm A.J. asked me if I thought the kids were ok as I was peaking out the window. We are those parents that always have our kids. So when for that short time we don't,apparantly, we miss them. I used to dream of having help. Somewhere they could sleep for just one night... But, somewhere along the way I decided I really don't mind the lack of help and I *think* it has forced me to be a better mom/parent and maybe,just maybe I have more paitence because of it. Everything A.J. and I do in a day is about the kids. We love to plan hypothetical vacations and our first thought is always..how will the kids have fun?

***disclaimer*** I cannot be held resposible for spelling errors. The spell check is cleraly not working. As for grammer errors,it has taken me 2 days to get this post,posted. And as I type this I have Jake screaming in my ear telling me her hurt me. Who is her I ask,you have 3 sisters!

Forgetful Friday

2010-07-22T21:26:00.002-05:00

I keep forgetting to upload my pictures from my actual camera to my computer. When I do think of it I am so dang tired to do so. Savannah has been in camp the last 2 weeks and tomorrow is the closing ceremony/party. Why on earth do they think I want to participate in these things?? We have been also spending the rest of ours days at the pool. Dare I say this Summer if flying by? I suppose it is. Back to school shopping seems to be in full swing. Not for me though... I am still buying bathing suits and sunglasses. I really need to check my priorities sometimes.

Such an accomplishment for this girl of mine

2010-07-19T20:47:00.002-05:00

My Amelia mastered the slide. I was not there but A.J. understands the power of a picture and this is what I received ala blackberry messenger.

Oh Amelia, My new favorite

2010-07-14T13:18:00.000-05:00

The ordinary

2010-07-13T14:55:00.006-05:00

I have never,ever,not even thought about taking a picture,via,mirror,until this picture. Eh,I might not being doing it again anytime soon. It was fun in the moment.

Soooo... I stuck to taking pictures of the kids,getting their much needed,overdo haircuts.

This face would be what we so lovingly call the hiss. When she doesn't like something you say or do she will hiss at you. Sometimes it's very loud and other times it's very tiny. It's quite comical these days and it is proving to be very efficient during Mass.

On this day the stars were gearing up to align just for me. I was tired,exhausted,needed to close my eyes for just 5 minutes or I just wouldn't make it through the rest of the evening. 4 kids is a boat load of work. No joke,it's like a yacht load of work.

But,I could not resist documenting this moment. It does not happen very often.

As fast as that happens,this happens. Friends pull up on their bikes and they scatter. Especially Savannah. She is outta here these days. Yes,that would be my 4 yr old casually cruising the street like one of the big girls. We cannot keep em out of the street these days. It always ends up w/me, and any other neighbor who is hanging at the moment,standing in the street and yelling CAARRR at the appropriate time for them to haul ass to the grass. Yes they have been trained.

My kids are loving Summer,but the big question of the day is,am I? Maybe. I'll decide when they are all back in school.

A view from the top

2010-07-09T14:25:00.002-05:00

A.J. just sent me this picture. It's the view from his office. Gosh,wish I was there today instead of listening to Jake scream in my ear... *sigh*

A little bit of this and a whole lot of that

2010-07-05T15:20:00.011-05:00

The July 4th weekend started with some consignment browsing in Princeton. It was me really dropping some clothes off,browsing and then walking out empty handed. I am not really a used kinda girl. We then walked around for a little looking at the homes and some window shopping. To be honest I am not sure why all the hype? The homes are old and very charming but are very close together with a whole lotta traffic. As we were walking I even said to A.J.,where do kids ride their bikes?

I almost always bring my camera with me. On the rare occasion that I do not Savannah has hers. Maybe she'll grow up to be a photog and she can teach me a few or a million tricks on how to capture that perfect picture.

Later in the day our neighbors from across the way invited us to grill out with them. The adults ate and drank and the kids played their hearts out.

On the 4th we went to church and when we got home I had the brilliant idea of going to the beach. Despite bumper to bumper traffic on the way down and home and the every 20 minute bathroom trips while walking the boards,we had a wonderful day. The fireworks were beautiful and the kids were great. The kids and myself cannot wait to go back. Savannah wants to rent a house the next time. Maybe someday soon I told her.

What they live for these days

2010-07-02T07:20:00.005-05:00

These pictures were not planned,by me. It just so happens that the day I brought my camera to the pool they gave me the most perfect photo opportunity. When they jumped the first time my ass was planted in a chair on the other side of the pool. It wasn't until I looked at the pictures on my computer that I noticed Kiera was wearing arm floaties. We don't even own arm floaties!

The best part of Summer

2010-06-29T16:21:00.008-05:00

I scream you scream we all scream for ice cream!!! My mom called the other night and asked if we were up for some ice cream. Always.

Then sneaky little Kiera found these in the front of my mom's van. So we busted one open and they had a blast. They took turns beautifully.

You guys stand back there,okay?

And for some insane reason they listen to her,almost always.

Here I go!

What the heck!

Oh rats!

The other day the thunder rumbled and the life guards blew the whistles and out of the pool we went. When we got home Kiera and Amelia waited for some time for the rains to start and if I remember correctly it never did rain. We got 45 minutes total that day in the pool,bummer.

So enjoyable

2010-06-27T16:23:00.007-05:00

Amelia and Kiera are great friends,most of the time. They spend endless hours together. I really hope Kiera always holds a special place in her heart for sister,Ayealya.

This Summer it seems my kids are loving their bikes,scooters and skate boards. They hardly go near the swing set these days. I remember when A.J. and I would have to man our spots because Jake and Kiera would run in opposite directions. It was total team work and we often laugh about it now,especially when we are sitting and watching them play.

I know I said it before but I need to say it a million times more. Being a mom has been more and more enjoyable these days since my kids decided to grow up,just enough.

Jake: hey danna do you know where poop comes from?
Savannah:(i am sure horrified but could not help her curiosity) where?
Jake:your ass
Savannah:daddy do you know what your sweet boy just said?

Every now and then these two become friends and it's the sweetest moments when it does happen. The other day at the pool we were all eating a snack when I turned to Savannah and said, if you are done you can go back to swimming. Amelia who so badly craves more independence glared at me. I said go ahead if you stay with Savannah. Amelia threw her trash away and ran up and grabbed her big sisters hand for dear life. Savannah squeezed back because that is what all good big sisters would do.

Nothing like a daddy and his baby girl

2010-06-24T07:01:00.000-05:00

A beginning and an end

2010-06-21T08:08:00.009-05:00

On a Tuesday earlier this month I received a blackberry message from A.J. that he was talking to Mark,his boss. This was a read between the lines kind of message. It meant he was quitting Siemens after 6.5 excellent years. Siemens provided him/us with much opportunity that we will always be grateful for. He has since started his new job and despite all the bumps in the road I think A.J. is/will be happy.
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Savannah and Amelia had their end of the year parties and are officially done for the Summer.

That's some awesome Pennsbury pride

Unplanned makes it that much sweeter

2010-06-20T15:11:00.005-05:00

While A.J. and I sat at the pool we watched a husband and wife walk in pushing a double stroller and walking behind was two more little girls. I quietly proclaimed,twins!! We then proceeded to watch them each hold a baby in their arms while watching their other two swim around them,happily. I then asked A.J. how long do you think it took them to actually get out the door today? We continued to watch as all the people asked the famous question of,are they twins? I watched her nod her head and smile. The same smile I give when asked the very same question. I also know her exhaustion,her fears,her happiness and everything she must do in a day to make sure all those sweet faces are happy. Sitting there A.J. and I looked like we had no care in the world. He told me I should go over and talk to her,we have something in common. I did not because at that moment we were starting to pack up and go. We then called our kids out of the pool,wrapped towels around them and they followed behind us one by one with Kiera trailing way behind.

Later that night I said to A.J.... remember when I only wanted three kids? Three girls? As always he said,I remember. The best gift I have been given is my twins. The two people we did not plan for,our surprises. Pretty great.

It defines us,now...

2010-06-10T08:06:00.002-05:00

Last week was a busy one. Jake and Kiera finished up their first year of preschool,I had two meetings at school for Amelia and add in general life and well, last week is over. One of the nights A.J. was being an ass and I fled. Grabbed my keys and ran. To the nearest Barnes and Noble of course. I will be honest and tell you that I grabbed Family Fun magazine first and scanned it for a Gymboree coupon and failed miserably. I then scanned the magazines and grabbed an Autism Speaks and sat down. I read an article about a woman's journey in placing her son in a home and how it was the best fit for her family. That's when the tears started rolling uncontrollably down my face. I chose to not stop them. I am OKAY with Amelia's diagnosis. I have already gone through my denial phase when she was about threeish. It then turned into my,yes,no,maybe so phase and then steam rolled into please someone tell me what the heck is wrong with my child,NOW, phase.

Since before and after Amelia's diagnosis I have had a wonderful support system. Family,friends and the most important is her Special Ed teacher who helps me almost everyday. Sometime during the school year I/we have lost Amelia. I tell people,she screams autism,now. Maybe then,but for sure now.

Everything we do and everywhere we go is a battle of some sort. I usually have to give her two options to make her feel she is in control.

Savannah keeps asking the same question everyday... Is that her autism that is making her do that??? The answer is always,YES to my typical daughter. Savannah,Jake and Kiera have been referred to as typical these days. They are no longer just kids who reside in my house with me. They are typical.

Another question I have been asked is,what will she be/do when she grows up? Meaning,will she ever get married. I don't know. Really don't know. But in all fairness,am I sure that Jake will ever get married? What I do know is that Amelia is receiving services in school and we are working on getting her some Occupational therapy and Behavioral therapy outside of school. We have been told her diagnosis will guarantee her getting said services,so now we wait.

The best thing we were forced to do for Amelia was get her diagnosed,officially. The document that has the words Autism/ADHD have become liquid gold for us. It seems that we flash that and there are no questions asked.

So just like most parents we love our kids. Want the best for our kids. And have to except the flaws in our kids to realize they are perfection. The Typical and non Typical.

So for now I struggle and battle Amelia. All the while I am holding her hand because I want too. Not because I have too.

One big hot mess

2010-06-08T11:56:00.004-05:00

I could tell you that Savannah loves swim team.
She loves going to practice.
She has made friends.
She can't wait for her first meet.

Oh wait,I can't tell you any of those things because my 7 yr old is a quitter. I sent A.J. with Savannah to practice and she quit. Walked up to the coach and stated her case. I am livid to say the least. Angry,frustrated,confused,saddened by this decision. I don't know,one of those,all of those maybe?

So it's me that is the hot mess right now. I stalked the swim team site so she would not miss registration. Scraped the pool money and swim team money together in the same month I was paying out of pocket for Amelia's testing/diagnosis and Jake and Kiera's preschool tuition was due. I did my part. Savannah is like a brick wall. Once she makes a decision there is no budging her. No changing her mind. Not even swaying her thought process. Savannah keeps telling me it's not what she thought it was going to be.

Clearly it's never what we think it's going to be but in my house we for sure are not quitters. Especially when you beg for swim lessons all winter just so you can try out for swim team in the Spring.

All tutu's should be pink

2010-06-04T08:20:00.006-05:00

It's that season again. Swim team has started and it's a jam packed 9 week season. Savannah has swimmers ear and an infection on her ear drum. Great start right?

I have also decided that this swimming season every little girl in the 4 and under crowd should own their very own tutu swim suit. So onward! Too the pool!

I do not usually give a shout out to the brands of clothing my kids wear but this one deserves it. Especially because I called almost every Janie and Jack store to finally find one in Miami to pay full price and 10 dollars for shipping.(ouch that hurt for like a minute and then Kiera tried it on. *swoon*) Savannah's bathing suit cost, I think, $3.99 the day after Christmas at the Red Balloon Sale hosted by Gymboree. You should try it,totally worth it.

They are so amazing

2010-06-01T19:56:00.002-05:00

Tonight while surfing my own blog I came across this. Jake and Kiera do make me very happy. Happier then I could have ever imagined. I miss them being little...

It twas good

2010-05-31T21:32:00.004-05:00

Memorial Day weekend. It started out on Friday afternoon with me running down the hall at school chasing after Amelia because she refused to give up the damn playdough. I'm telling ya she is not an easy one these days. We then had another hell of a Saturday with Amelia that slowly eased into a breakdown at my sisters house on Sunday that flowed into an all out freak out over cheese curls on Monday. Overall we have had an enjoyable weekend and I want it back.

It started with a fruit tray...

That made it's way to my sisters house for good food and great conversation.

The hat. THE HAT. This girl would not give up until I bought her a hat with a buckle and a matching dress. This was no easy feat for me. The one she.had.to.have. did not come with the said buckle. The one that arrived in the mail was to small and the dress was huge.(shakes head) On Friday night I walked around the store with no real direction until the sales associate said,excuse me miss the store is closing in 5 minutes. I grabbed the dress,the hat and a few other things and did my return. I was distraught. Hated the hat,the dress and the few other things. Kiera,my precious Kiera loves them.

These days it's not a picnic at my sisters until you have your picture taken with Captain Morgan himself.

This was a lucky,lucky shot. After the camera clicked Amelia declared NO MORE.(if you are wondering about amelia's dress... yes i do love it)

A picnic is also not a picnic until you play a silly game directed by an older cousin. I have great memories of my cousins growing up. I don't see them now but once a long,long time ago we were friends.

Rome wasn't built in a day

2010-05-28T13:38:00.004-05:00

There once was a girl who lived on my mother's street with her husband and two girls. This girl,lets call her G is my age. Her husband works for his father's electrical co,so obviously he is an electrician. I for the longest time would watch her and wonder out loud on many occasions how they could afford what they have.(meaning the house) Through gossip I was told that the house was a gift when they got married from his parents. Okay. About four years ago they put their free house up for sale and bought a brand new house for the amount of 610,000. They sold their existing home for 400,000. After realtor fees and settlement costs you do the math.... I was floored. No,I was beyond floored. A.J. tried his best to give me an explanation. He first started with taxes. If they are 10,000 a year add 800.00 instantly to their mortgage. He then went on to talk about the area and the surrounding area and the flooding that will take place. He then went on to talk about how much the said husband makes,and,no,they realistically cannot afford the house.(A.J. sells and does layouts for electrical equipment so he knows lots of people and those lots of people like to talk) Today A.J. caught wind that the couple is possibly in foreclosure or putting the house up for sale because they are in way over their heads. They have also had problems with flooding and hate the surrounding area. I of course told my mom and she confirmed what I originally did not believe and gave me some more details.

What I have learned in the past five years is that what seems so great and fabulous and perfect is most likely not. I have also learned that those who brag are insecure. What A.J. and I have learned is that through all of our struggles we have always stood united. We have never backed down and kept moving ahead. Maybe it was for the kids originally but now it's for us and the kids. It took almost ten years for this to happen. To realize what was important to us then is not even a first thought now. The house that we bought because we had to move(OMGoodness we are having what?!? twins??) we now adore and are proud to call it our home. It's the house that we bought ourselves. Our very own no help from anyone accomplishment.

So no my house is not the fanciest and I am pretty sure it has the ugliest kitchen on the block but it sure has lots of laughter,great family meals and memories. Lots and lots of memories. A.J. and I are into making lasting ones these days.

This month....

2010-05-27T08:19:00.009-05:00

Jake learned how to ride his bike,aka,no training wheels.

I went to Jake and Kiera's Mother's day party

Savannah made swim team(we are very proud)

We went to Sesame Place and the kids had a blast. I went home and took a nap.

We waited in line for rides..

And it was worth it.

We went to the circus.

And got to meet one of the clowns.

Amelia arranged a fashion show with the littles.

The girls got to stay up extra late and indulge in Rita's while watching TV in the kichen. If only Jake didn't fall asleep...

Savannah took some random pictures..

They like to play in the street,every night. Good thing we have fabulous neighbors who email to tell me they bought push pops because Amelia made a request.

And what does a mom of girls do when it's time for our toes to show? We go buy some new polish and I paint their toes. As Kiera calls it,paint nails.

Went with my gut

2010-05-26T05:51:00.005-05:00

Fiona woke up last week acting very sluggish. For a St. Bernard that means she was just sososo extra tired. It was also a warm day so I chalked it up to that. She then started vomiting and then later limping. I took her to the vet along with Amelia and Kiera.(my other two kids were with A.J. at Savannah's voice lessons) The vet looked her over and was hesitant to test her for Lyme's,she seemed fine! Sure enough her test came back positive. Fiona is up to date on her Lyme's vaccine and Front line. Makes you wonder right? Her kidneys do have some damage(this is not good). My dad asked if my kidneys could have been damaged. Ummm yeah. You will never understand Lyme's until you live it. And just for the record,I never want someone to spike that first fever because it is a feeling you will never forget. Right Fiona seems to be responding very well to the Doxycycline and in about 5 weeks we will get her kidneys retested. I am hoping for the best and staying positive. A.J. now calls our house,the dog house of death.(it's really not funny:) When I tell the vet I have had Lyme's,Sadie,My neighbor and their puppy just died of Lyme's she told me I need to protect my kids. The only option we have at this point is to have our lawn sprayed to protect my children and the dog. I am not a fan of unnecessary medicine or chemicals but what needs to be done needs to be done.

This has been the month of crazy for me. I have so many great pictures to share and I am blogging about my dog. Just when you think life is going along sweetly there is a bump in the road. A bump that I can in fact roll over slowly because it's just one more thing I am meant to handle happily. Especially when you have Savannah asking if Fiona will die.

It has happened again

2010-05-20T21:46:00.001-05:00

Fiona was diagnosed with Lymes disease this evening. I am sad.

The right and the wrong

2010-05-20T08:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday when my mom was watching the 3 little ones she had a conversation that went something like this...

Grandmom- Kiera do you talk to strangers?

Kiera- No

Grandmom- If someone pulls up in a car do you get in?

Kiera- No

Grandmom- You run away and yell stranger danger

Grandmom- What if they say you are so pretty and can they take your picture what do you do?

Kiera- Smile,like this? and then my child proceeded to smile.(or so I have been told)

2010-05-19T15:51:00.005-05:00

Today I had to give a deposition for this. It was hard for me to do this. I am a very good law abiding citizen who is afraid of her own shadow. A.J. calls me a grandma.(not sure how I feel about that...) There was three lawyers. Mine,the girls,and the boy who was driving the car had his own. Her lawyer could not stand me and kept rolling his eyes directly at me. The boys lawyer was mean and I almost cracked. I answered the best to my knowledge. It has been 2+ years since this happened and asking a stay at home mom to recall something that had nothing to do with field trips,school lunches,favorite colors,best friends,where is the matching shoe and how many bathing suits does so and so have? is asking someone to go back into a dark place that has been covered in cobwebs far to long and that has been filed in the never relive that moment again kind of memory. So this morning I was very bothered by the fact that I was not able to feed my kids lunch,watch Amelia get on the bus and drive Jake and Kiera to school. But because God worked his magic I arrived home just in time to wave to Amelia as the bus drove by and then I was able to drive my little ones to school. Sometimes for me it's the little things I enjoy most and when they are taken away I panic because I need them. These moments won't last forever but for now they are mine.

It seems so simple....

2010-05-14T17:17:00.002-05:00

My girl went on her first play date. Amelia M. went to Amelia H.'s house. This has been a rough week for Amelia. I got two phone calls from her teacher telling me that Amelia is refusing to participate in class. Meaning,she had decided she was doing nothing those two days. Nadda,zilch,zip. Then by the third day a behavioral plan was put into action. This plan will be stacked with her IEP,whenever that happens.
The play date went smooth and Amelia M. was invited back to Amelia H.'s house anytime. This was very hard for me. It meant that I had to let Amelia out of my sight for 1.5 hrs. There was no one to prompt her or tell her what she was not supposed to be doing. But Amelia was excited. Could not wait to go to her friends house. I am not sure how many friends Amelia will have someday so this is good. Right now Amelia has a friend,just like her big sister Savannah does. So today life is simple. Tomorrow maybe not.

To the castle we went

2010-05-08T18:27:00.004-05:00

There is a playground not to far away that is called "the castle" park. I was there years ago when I worked at The Goddard School for a class field trip. Unless I dreamt this I do believe I climbed and crawled my way to the top and slid down the slide. I was once fearless. The kids loved it. We have officially become that family that can go and do as we please. It feels really nice,perfect to be exact. As much as I would love to have another baby I just can't seem to shake the thoughts and memories of how much you cannot do because of naps and bottles and diapers and teething and,and,AND..... We just get to get in the car and drive. Like just leave the house and GO! Oh it feels heavenly.

First ride on the big yellow bus

2010-05-06T08:20:00.004-05:00

Jake and Kiera went on their first field trip,to a local nature center. We the parents were told to put the kids in play clothes. Play clothes? I haven't a clue what that means... So I did the best I could and that meant Kiera wore jeans. Gasp!

Kiera and her bestest bud Paige waiting to go on the bug hunt. Blech,bugs.

Kiera fishing for bugs. My stylin chick loved it.

My life consists of three numbers. 4,3 and 2. This particular morning it was 2. We did everything in 2's. They do not know any different.

Jake loved the snake. He got to feel the snake as did I but Kiera was not to sure what to think.

We had lots and lots of fun.

Chinese food tradition

2010-05-03T22:09:00.003-05:00

You are truly smart-Kiera

You can't expect to be a lucky dog if you are always growling-Savannah

Mend the first break,kill the first snake,and conquer everything you undertake-Amelia

I am very unsure if Savannah gave Jake a fortune cookie. You see he was too busy having massive issues with his bowl of white rice and plate of chicken and noodles.

Driving along...

2010-04-28T12:19:00.004-05:00

Kiera:Why are all the leaves falling down,they not supposed to be doing that!

Me:It's not the leaves it's seeds so more trees grow.

Kiera:For the birdies?(insert Brooklyn accent)

*** Yesterday at my Dr.'s appt. the nurse said that Jake looks just like me and asked if Kiera looks just like my husband because she just can't place her. I said ummmmmmmm.....No Kiera looks nothing like my husband,in fact I haven't a clue who she looks like. I could sit here and pick apart her coloring,her lips,her eyes,her shaped face and when I do I could then say she looks like me and my side of the family. But what good does that do when people look at her and then me and then proceed to ask who she looks like?

Click on the link

2010-04-26T09:13:00.003-05:00

Enjoying the small things. You will not be sorry. Also, I must add, start from the beginning and if you don't feel the emotion and shed a few sad and happy tears there is something very wrong with you. Now go,click now it will become one of your favorites I promise.

So very sweet

2010-04-24T21:02:00.005-05:00

Savannah was watching me blow dry my hair this morning. Just to strike up conversation I said.... So your teacher thinks you look like me huh? Savannah smiled and nodded her head. Then she said,that's a compliment mom. I said,so you think I am pretty? She pondered for what seemed like forever and then replied... well not so much when you aren't wearing any makeup.

Tales from the first grade

2010-04-23T20:12:00.003-05:00

Savannah came home from school the other day and told me that her friend O said that her mom said that Savannah bullies O. Ummmm.... I left a message for Savannah's teacher. Mrs.P called me back and agreed that was a mean thing to say and assured me Savannah is not bullying anyone in the class and on the playground. Her exact words... Mrs. Metzger,you know Savannah and we know Savannah do you really think Savannah could be a bully? I wanted to give Savannah the benefit of the doubt(i really did)and I have to admit that it was so comforting to hear first hand that my child is truly that sweet inside and outside of school.(except with me. *sigh* but that's okay because i am the mom)

Enjoying the simple things in life

2010-04-22T20:48:00.002-05:00

Keeping us on our toes

2010-04-15T20:27:00.008-05:00

(just after dropping off the little ones and on my way to the dry cleaners)

ring ring

Me:hello?(all the while thinking crap!where is my ear piece).

Mrs.R(special ed teacher)hi mrs. metzger it's mrs. r.

Me:(awww shit...) um hi!!!(extra enthusiasm)what's up?

Mrs.R: amelia is having a very bad day. she's pretty much in breakdown mode and i had to remove her from the classroom. who is corie and why did she give amelia medicine to make amelia sleep before school and amelia was hiding behind the couch??? i grabbed savannah on the way to lunch and she said corie is your friend and that amelia does not take any medicine...

Me:(seriously amelia!!really???) ummm...(stammering) corie is my friend and she stopped by to give me some melatonin for amelia to try before bedtime so she falls asleep before midnight. she hid behind the couch because i wanted to brush her hair(i won just like i do everyday)hours before corie stopped by....

Mrs.R: oh okay i fully understand now.

we then said our goodbyes and hung up

(about an hour later)
With Jake and Kiera outside of school running around with their friend Paige Mrs. R tracks me down. I had to pick Amelia up inside the guidance counselors office also having to explain that no one named Corie came to my house to drug her before school. I then proceeded to tell the secretaries in the main office that my other kids are so good that we apparently needed Amelia to keep us on our toes.

A favorite of mine

2010-04-07T19:53:00.001-05:00

As always memories were made

2010-04-05T19:46:00.001-05:00

The last rodeo

2010-03-29T08:36:00.002-05:00

I was introduced to country music at the height of Garth Brooks career. 1992/1993. I have been a lover ever since. Sure in high school I went through the rap/hip hop/Dave Matthews/Broadway musical stages and phases but in secret I always listened to country. A few years ago my friend joined my party and last year we got to hang with Lady A,Miranda,Montgomery Gentry,Sugarland and Kenny. *gasp* We swore after that lineup we would attend a country concert each and every year from then on out. This year I was surprised with tickets to Brooks and Dunn. We will be going to the last rodeo at the end of July. Brooks and Dunn are throwing in their hats this year and twenty years from now I will get to say I saw them perform. Because really no one will care, except for me and the whole perfect world of country.

The newest addiction

2010-03-24T15:42:00.002-05:00

My new favorite. Try it you won't be sorry.

The Fairytail

2010-03-23T08:21:00.007-05:00

Every little girl at some point has visions of what and who her husband will be. If I had a dollar for every time this has been asked by Savannah I would have a big fat savings account for her right now. Then it's I wonder what I will be when I grow up(Savannah strikes again. I don't lie when I tell you this girl is on the ball)and where will I live and how many kids will I have and what will I name them.(Savannah again,she is a big fan of Luke and Julia these days)
I always knew I would get married and wanted to live in blank and have three girls. Well I have been married since I was twenty one and I actully do live in blank and I have three girls.(plus the boy) But to be honest I am not living my fairytail. I am living the fairytail of America. I have the house,the dog,the kids,including a set of twins,a daughter with autism,an economy that tanked and a husband whose job is determined by the economy and a marriage that sometimes really,really sucks. Oh yeah I am having a blast. No really I am. It's all okay,really,really ok.

iSavannah on iFeyla

2010-03-22T16:10:00.004-05:00

This is what Savannah's been up to. Sometimes I wonder how I birthed a daughter with SO much personality.

As the weary world rejoices

2009-12-30T07:35:00.002-06:00

Oh yes, Santa has come and gone. The kids were up at 5am and my house exploded with excitement,laughter and boundless energy as they ripped through the presents to find that one gift they had asked for. You know,that one gift that Santa would for sure bring and if it's not under the tree the parents are screwed. Yeah,you know what I mean.

Me: Kiera what do you think Santa will bring you?

Kiera: My Oppsy doll and the dogie that walks.

Me: What if Santa doesn't bring you the dogie that walks?

Kiera: Then that means I been bad.

Amelia is six

2009-12-20T22:03:00.002-06:00

I am trying so damn hard to figure out where oh where the time has gone. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve such an amazing little girl that warms my heart everyday. Some might call Amelia my favorite. I sometimes may agree. Other times I just know in my heart she needs me a little more than my other three do.

The want and the ugly

2009-12-16T20:11:00.003-06:00

Is there ever that one gift,or maybe two that your little one wants? Kiera has wanted this since... oh I don't know,the Summer? I have looked online with complete failure. I mean why if something has such bad reviews do people buy it? Oh wait,they are crazy like me and feel the need to pursue the search because their 4 year old *thinks* for sure that the ever so trusted Santa will leave it under the tree. So about a month ago I along with Kiera(I swear those little ones are always with me) see one lonely little pup on a big vacant shelf. I tell her no and we move along all the while I was making my mental note to go back and buy it. I never went back. I forgot and then when I would remember I just had no urge to drive to Kmart. I'm a Walmart girl. In fact, I'm a Super Walmart girl.
So last night the guilt set in and my mom went with me to Kmart. We searched and searched and even had the young worker searching with us. No luck. We then went to Toys R Us with,again, no luck. So today while all the kids were in school I ran to the mall for some teacher gifts and then to Target. I walked down the isle and saw no swimming dog. Then my eyes were pulled to the direction of this ugly black and whit thing that said Adopt Me. I thought no fucking way(in my head of course). That is when I figured it out. The dog walks and swims. The dog with poor reviews, that is so hard to find, and that my little girl wants,from Santa. He was adopted today by me and I am one proud mama. Obviously Kiera gets her love of all ugly things from me.

Waiting for Santa

2009-12-12T20:07:00.003-06:00